beforethedarkness | Voicemail (2013 Run)

[She listens to every word, hands clenching at the fabric of her pants during the later parts. Never stopped loving him? Never stopped loving him her ass. If that was the case, he'd have found another way. Taken Sasuke with him when he left or come up with another plan or....something. If he'd had the chance.

Etro she knows why now. Had she been in Itachi's shoes, and Serah in Sasuke's, could she have made that choice? She doesn't know. At thirteen she was coddled, not a killer. Their world is insane. The thought crosses her mind that it's no wonder Sasuke has issues if he came from a world like that, and she swallows the tickle of hysterical laughter in her chest back down. She needs to think.

How much of that is true? How much of it is something Itachi made up? Is he making it up at all? It's insane but...fal'Cie, she can't tell. She doesn't know what to say, either. It's clear that Sasuke's shared something incredibly important with her, but she doesn't know how to respond. She swallows harder, clears her throat and looks directly at him. He seems...older, somehow. Older than when they left her care.]

...Do you believe him? What he told you?

I don't know. But I do know that what he told me that night was a lie.

[Finally he lifts his head, though barely, to look at the sand. His arms are still resting on his knees, and his expression can only be described as pensive when he speaks again.]

That night, he told me I wasn't strong enough to kill - that I should run, and live as a coward. But... There were elderly and untrained civilians that were part of our clan and died that night, too.

The eyes he had then - mangenkyo - can only be obtained by suffering the death of one of the people closest to you. If he didn't care at all, he wouldn't have gotten those eyes. And...

[He has to take a breath there, his hand going to his hair to grip at the bangs before he finally finds the courage to continue again.]

Back then, I was in too much pain and hated him so much to really notice it at first, but... I was always alone. No one tried to help or even came close to me after it happened. Not my classmates, not the teachers, none of the adults in the village... No one.

[Her immediate reaction is to go "he was lying to you then; why wouldn't he be lying now?" but she bites down on it and thinks. No one approached the six year old who'd just lost his entire family. Even if they didn't know the real reason behind it, that rubs her the wrong way. She and Serah had Amodar's support from the day she signed up to the Corps. Without that...they wouldn't have made it.

It's a testament to something that Sasuke lasted this long on his own. Maybe Itachi trying to get him to take vengeance saved his life by giving him a reason to keep fighting. Maybe. She can make the connection even if she doesn't like it, and it makes her sigh before she speaks.]

And no one tried to convince you that revenge wasn't a good idea. [she snorts. insane world, alright. After a moment, however, she looks at him again.]

What's your plan now?

... One person did. But he didn't start trying to until I was twelve, almost thirteen. He wasn't there until he was assigned to lead our squad.

[Meaning that, until very recently... It was all he knew. Vengeance really was his only reason to be alive. Without it... He's essentially told Lightning that he'd be completely lost without it before. So now? Now he doesn't know what he'll do. At all.

So when she asks that question, she gets him shaking his head in response initially.]

... I don't know.

[One person who wasn't there until he was assigned to them after at least six years. Etro, what kind of world did that to its own children? Obviously one that didn't care enough, from the sounds of things.

She's not surprised he doesn't know what to do, though--his entire world view's been flipped and she knows how that feels.]

You should keep your distance from him until you do. Figure things out. [She pauses, shaking her head.] Maybe keep your distance from all of them.

[Actually it's five, but it's not like Sasuke can correct it. Even if he could, he wouldn't want to then and there. A detail like that just seems so insignificant after all he's talked about.

He finally raises his head again, expression steely and cold as he looks to the ocean in an effort to mask the emotions swirling around inside of him.]

... Maybe.

[Truthfully, he had already been planning on separating himself for a while. He didn't want to be near anyone anymore, not with what he found out. After a beat he pulled the headband out of his bag, glaring at it as his fist clenched around the cloth and metal in his palm.]

Naruto already tried to convince me to not hate the village for it.

[Having turned at his movement, she frowns as he clenches that headband like his life depends on it. Something's going on here--something he's not telling her, but she won't ask. Not now.]

Tried? [Judging from his reaction, Naruto failed would be the more appropriate term.]

[He paused, trying to find the words before he spoke again.]

A village who wanted nothing more than the death of me and my family, who wouldn't accept me just because of my name. A village that left me alone after I'd lost everything.

I know that revenge won't do anything. No matter what I do, it won't bring back what I've lost. But I don't want to go back to them, either - I can't forgive them for what they've done.

Edited 2013-05-06 01:06 (UTC)

[Despite her racing mind, she knows what to say to that.]

So don't. [Forgive or go back--which does she mean? Both.] When you go back, leave. Retire from your squad and leave. Live your life the way you want to and don't give them anything else. [She glances out to the waves, remembering something, before she continues.] But while you're here, don't think about it. You'll just make things worse for yourself.

[It's all he can do to bring himself to nod, showing that he's listening and at least considering the notion. The head protector is slipped away then, and he leans forward to rest his chin on his arms again.]

... Not sure I can help thinking about it.

[She shakes her head, hands clenching around the material of her pants again as she tries to keep her tone even. She knows how this feels.]

You can't let it eat at you, Sasuke. There's nothing you can do about it from here, and you're better off forgetting about it.

Edited (dammit that was the wrong icon she ain't even mad) 2013-05-06 06:59 (UTC)

I would have been better off forgetting about everything I'd lost, too. That doesn't mean I can or should.

That's not what I meant. [she swallows hard, sighs, and closes her eyes.] Don't forget what happened or what you've learned, but don't think about it. If you let it eat at you while you're here, what do you think will happen?

[He heaves a little sigh at that, closing his eyes and slumping a little where he sits.]

... What else can I do?

[She looks at him for a long moment, remembering a situation much like this. Remembering when everything she knew was flipped on its head and she didn't know how to proceed. There's...really nothing she can do for him now, even with that experience.]

Besides live the way you want to? I don't know. That's something you have to figure out for yourself.

[After a beat he nods, reverting to complete silence as he looks to the ocean again. The music still isn't helping to lighten the mood, but after this... Part of him does in fact feel like some of what he's been going through has been lifted off of his shoulders, at least for the moment.]

Voicemail (2013 Run)

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